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What If

January 14, 2011
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Of course that would happen. The night I write about my thoughts about postpartum depression as a mental illness (or not) I mistakenly tweet the post from my “professional” account instead of my mom/PPD account. That figures. Really, it does. That’s just the way my life tends to work.

I knew that would happen eventually. I guess that’s the problem with tweeting when I’m tired – I don’t pay attention to which picture of me is associated with which account. And out it goes.

I didn’t realize I’d done that until this morning when I got an @-reply from someone I work with who commented on it. Got that full-on, heart-stopping panic again. Tried to push it down, but the Oh.My.God took over. But, to give myself some credit, I had a good freak out and then I realized there wasn’t much I could do about it if people had seen it. (Okay, before coming to that logical realization I deleted the tweet. I’m not that courageous yet.)

A good friend and colleague – who was already in the know and who was the lucky audience for my freak-out – always says the right sort of calming things, and he came through again. In addition to walking me through the “So what? Some people might know now” process, he did what he always does. He cracked jokes.

“Social media sucks.”

Cue laughter. Yes, it does sometimes.

“Don’t you hate it when the real you breaks through the person you pretend to be?”

Ha ha. Also funny. And also true.

But then he asked the provocative question.

“What if the good thing about this is that you don’t have to pretend anymore? What if that mask can come off now?”

What if.

9 Comments leave one →
  1. January 24, 2011 1:57 pm

    I have had this window open for two days and am finally getting to read your post. I hope that you have no issues after the incident and that people are truly supporting you, 100%. I am a mom of an almost four year old who still faces the problems of PPA regularly. I totally get it.

  2. January 23, 2011 5:55 am

    Ok, I don’t even know you but I love your friend. We should all be so lucky.

  3. January 22, 2011 12:06 pm

    Stopping by to follow from January Bloggy Moms hop

    I’m working through ppd from my third pregnancy (She’s 17.5 months now) and my mom died just under 2 weeks before she was born. I, too was diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder about 10 years ago- never fun, but always something going on I guess. Effexor helps me right now

  4. January 22, 2011 9:07 am

    It’s such a shame that PPD needs to be hidden. If more people were open, if it became something that was better understood by the general population, I bet more women would be getting the help they need.

    Visiting from RDC

  5. January 22, 2011 8:29 am

    Hi! Just found your blog on Red Dress Club. Very brave post, and I hope you find through social media, or friends, family, community, that you are not alone in this. Many people (including myself) go through the anxiety, depression, what-have-you as they encounter the semitruck that is motherhood.
    Thanks for sharing your post.

  6. January 22, 2011 4:01 am

    Your friend gave great advice, so many people hide behind their computers but here on your blog you are open and honest about your journey. PPD is very real and few people face it head on, you’ve already taken that step, so I agree with him, hold your head up and say “So what?”

  7. January 15, 2011 9:04 pm

    Thanks, Carri. I really appreciate the comment and the wise words.

  8. January 15, 2011 8:59 pm

    Just saw you left a comment on my blog. Thank you!
    I also suffered from PPD/A, and I don’t know how far you are in the healing process, but it DOES get better, I promise. This is coming from someone who has a mom with bipolar disorder. I was diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder about 13 years ago. For me, talking about it really helps. I think about it this way: It’s acceptable to have cancer, or diabetes, or a number of other things, but mental illness is still taboo. That is not ok. The only way we can overcome this is by talking about it and helping people realize that they DO know someone who is affected by this, be it mother, daughter, sister or friend.
    Keep up the good fight and work on your health. And please let me know if you need a lending ear.


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