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The Last Sunday

January 23, 2011

In May 2009 my husband and I traded places. I went back to work after 11 months of mat leave and he started his new career as a stay-at-home dad. We were both pretty happy about it: he really wanted to stay at home (and I really didn’t). I was really ready to go back to work. This was largely because I found it incredibly hard to just be a mom all day.

I went back to work hoping – expecting – that all the things I found hard about being a mom would disappear. That didn’t happen but it was still a better balance for me.

And then there Sunday.

My husband is a graphic designer. He quit his full-time job to stay at home with Connor but the deal we made is that he would do freelance work two days a week. My parents take Connor on Thursdays so Rich can work. He also works on Sundays, which means I’m on mom duty.

This one day a week is so hard for me. So hard. I honestly don’t know what it is. It doesn’t matter whether I get to sleep in or not. It doesn’t matter if we have an activity planned or not, although if we have something scheduled for the morning I tend to last much longer before losing it. Sundays just…suck.

I used to find Sundays almost unbearable. Now they’re better, although I still start to get anxious around mid-afternoon on Fridays just knowing the weekend is coming and I’m about to be more mom than not. After a family-filled Saturday, Sunday alone with a 2-year-old is almost more than I can take.

I’ve tried a bunch of different strategies to deal with this, but it’s just not working. Lately I’ve been trying to be honest, with myself and others, about what I need help with. Today when my husband asked me how I was doing, I fessed up.

“I don’t think the Sunday routine is working for me.”

His response, bless his heart, was not, “No shit.” Instead he suggested what I have been thinking – that he work Saturdays instead. He can get up and take Connor to his Saturday morning class and I can sleep a bit. Then he can start working after they get home around 10. It’s not a magic solution to any of my issues. Nothing is. But at least this time I was able to admit that I need help finding something that works better.

3 Comments leave one →
  1. January 28, 2011 10:18 am

    I totally feel you. I play the single stay at home mom every other weekend and find myself totally dreading those weekends and then feel horrible for doing so. Since I can’t pull in help from my husband, I’ve tried making those “Grandma comes for a visit” days to try to give myself at least a few hours to chill out!

  2. January 24, 2011 4:21 pm

    Yay for you two working together to try and find what works best.

    You’re doing a great job at getting through this!

  3. January 24, 2011 12:16 pm

    I think its fantastic that you asked for help and communicated that the routine wasn’t working for you! Hopefully the new one will be much much better

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