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Mirror Image

January 27, 2011

Yesterday. Late evening. After four wake-ups in about a 45-minute period, I give up. Put him into my bed and tell him I’ll be up in a bit. He goes right to sleep.

I finish a bit of work I need to do to get ready for a busy day. When I get into bed, I find he has taken it over: I feel something small on my side of the bed and realize it’s a foot. He’s stretched out diagonally right across the middle of the bed.

He looks so comfortable, but I can’t sleep with my face an inch from my bedside table so I gently reposition him. He wakes up briefly and says, “Hi, Mummy” in the sort of way that I know he’s not really awake and won’t remember this in the morning. He settles down into sleep again.

With more room now, I settle in to my usual going-to-sleep position: half on my side, half on my stomach with one leg bent. I feel my knee bump something warm. I can see the dark shape of his body a little way away so use the light from my BlackBerry to see how he’s lying that I could have bumped into him again.

It’s like looking in a mirror: he’s lying exactly the same way, facing me. Half on his side, half on his stomach, one knee up.

I struggle at times to find how we fit together – mother and child. But in this quiet, dark room I see it. In small, perhaps insignificant ways he’s a reflection of me.

11 Comments leave one →
  1. Pam permalink
    February 5, 2011 8:37 pm

    Robin, you write so beautifully. I have what is probably the exact image in my head from reading this. And it’s a beautiful, sweet image.

  2. January 29, 2011 9:49 pm

    Thanks, everyone, for the lovely comments. This is one of my favourites πŸ™‚

  3. January 29, 2011 1:10 pm

    What a beautiful image you’ve painted with your words.

  4. January 29, 2011 8:49 am

    What a precious picture.

  5. January 29, 2011 6:12 am

    What a wonderfully written, meaningful post. I love the reference to the mirror image of mother and child. Beautiful.

  6. January 28, 2011 10:06 pm

    So cute! Don’t you just love when they are sleeping like little angels? It makes it so much easier when they are up and screaming like monsters. πŸ™‚ These little things help us through the PPD.

  7. January 27, 2011 7:07 pm

    You describe things so perfectly! Beautiful!
    I’m such a fan of what you write!

  8. Auntie Shell (his, not yours) permalink
    January 27, 2011 4:46 pm

    I see many things that you two share. Persistence, brilliance, gentle love, seeking out those you want only when you want them and definite (stubborn) knowing what you want and persistence to get it and brilliance and…
    Like mother, like son, like auntie. That’s exactly how I sleep!
    You’re a brilliant writer xo

  9. January 27, 2011 2:05 pm

    Robin, that’s beautiful. My heart aches for you, but hopefully these glimpses of wonderful help ease the inner struggle a bit.

  10. January 27, 2011 10:05 am

    Such a beautiful post & image. I can relate–my son sleeps in my bed from about midnight on, every single night. I reposition him several times. And even though some nights I hate sharing my bed, most of the time I love waking up and seeing his little face next to mine.

  11. January 27, 2011 7:38 am

    Wow AGain. I love your writing. seeing the mirror image is very significant, esp. with PPD. Good for you. hugs from Ithaca.

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