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February 6, 2011

Thurs., June 12, 2008

The last day… I should know by now that things don’t turn out as planned. We went in today for the version and after IVs and ultrasounds [the OB] decided fluid levels were too low and wouldn’t do it – baby probably needs to come out. We almost had this baby today but the hospital was really busy so we opted to come home and go back tomorrow.

I’ve been expecting a scheduled c-section for a while but it’s strange that it’s here. Part of me really wants to meet this bean and part of me wants more time. I’m not sure I’d ever really be ready though. These last few weeks have not at all been what I expected. I finally stop hating being pregnant and now it’s over.

I’m nervous about the surgery, though trying to believe the people who say it’s not so bad.

I’m also nervous about the fact that our lives are about to change in this major way that I can’t even begin to anticipate. All my reservations about doing this are coming to the surface, which I hope (and suspect) is just a night-before thing. I’m sure in a few days I’ll read this and have a bit of a laugh about how I had no idea about this amazing thing that was coming.

For now this is my last night as the me I have been so far.

This isn’t how I expected to be feeling. I’m not sure where it’s coming from (or why I’m writing it down…)


Hello, self? Why were you surprised that you ended up with postpartum depression?

3 Comments leave one →
  1. February 12, 2011 9:37 pm

    I just found your blog from twitter! I follow you, and now I follow your blog, and I must say it is definitely something I need! I am struggling with PPD, alone for the most part, reading this made me think about my own delivery, and if it did play a part with the PPD because I did not have it the first 2 times.

    and, it’s nice to know I’m not alone out here,

  2. February 7, 2011 12:20 pm

    I struggled with post partum depression after a difficult delivery as well. I’ve read studies that show there is a connection which made me feel a little better. All I can say is it does get better. My son is 11 now and he is the light of my life and I feel happy every single day. Back then I never thought I’d get to this point.

    I just found you from the Bloggy Moms Blog Hop and am new follower. Feel free to contact me any time if you want to talk. I’ve been there and know how tough it is!


    • February 7, 2011 7:57 pm

      Hi Tracy, thanks so much for this comment. I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about how much of this is related to my less-than-ideal birth experience. Definitely some, I think, and I have heard the correlation too. Your “happy every single day” comment made me smile. That’s great 🙂

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